The Quizno's Guru

My brother and I went to Quizno’s for lunch last week just to hang out together and do some philosophical/theological rambling (not the purpose, but it pretty much always happens). Little did we know that our trip to Quizno’s would be akin to the harrowing pilgrimages to proverbial guru on top of the mountain.

We were sitting at the table indulging in lunchmeat and free jalapenos, when an older woman (who I noticed was named Grace, perhaps appropriate) saw that we had pulled out the Bible to discuss a passage I had been reading earlier that day.

“Reading the good book there?” she inquired.
“Yep.”
“Well, I hope you’re not just letting it bounce off. You need to let it soak in here,” she said as she gently pounded her chest.
“We most certainly are. That’s the point of reading it.”

And that simple exchange began three or four excursions into the wisdom and humor of the Quizno’s guru. She’d stop by every five minutes or so, I’m assuming that was the time it took for her to formulate the next thing she wanted to talk to us about. Here are some of the good ones.

“I only have to survive for 40 more minutes. I don’t know if an old lady like me can make it (she was old, but seemed to have plenty of pep for 40 minutes). But it gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I love being around people and this gives me a chance to do it. An old lady like me could sleep in pretty late if it weren’t for something like this to do (I assured her that age had no bearing on the propensity to sleep in).” *(It made me think, why do I get up in the morning? Too often it seems like it’s to watch SportsCenter. She was getting up to bring joy to others.)

“One time I got in an argument with my friend’s husband. He said that only Lutherans go to heaven. I told him that if that were the case then I didn’t really want to go. And even though I don’t know the good book very well, I don’t recall a place that says in heaven Lutherans will have one corner, Presbyterians another corner, Catholics another, and so on. He started talking about how Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would be in heaven and I reminded him that good man was a Baptist minister. He got up and left the room kind of angry. I guess I won that argument.” *(Why do we tend to think we’re exclusively right? If the guru has it right we might not be able to hole up with our denomination in heaven!)

“They say you reap what you sow. If that’s the case then I think I’ve over planted.” *(Haven’t we all!)

Here’s to you Quizno’s guru. You just never know where you’ll find wisdom.