I’ve always assumed it’s a given that being real with someone and taking that to a deep level takes a great deal of time. You have to have the time to get to know the other person and to learn to trust them—and they with you. You don’t meet a total stranger and tell them your deepest hopes, discouragements, fears, and struggles.
But I’m rethinking that. I bumped into a guy outside Chipotle yesterday and we just started talking about our depravity in great detail (that was meant to be a joke—something that isn’t true but adds humor to what is being read). But I am questioning this because of a relationship I’ve been able to develop with someone at church. I have felt completely free to be myself, with all my blemishes, and this person has done the same with me. I think there’s a couple reasons why this has happened without spending much time getting to know each other.
Trust: Though we didn’t really know each other, we had mutual friends who could establish our trustworthiness for each other (that sentence was convoluted, a nice word). Like if your best friend, Ricky Bobby, says you can trust someone you believe you can. That’s what happened here. Plus, this person has a reputation of being trustworthy in general.
Self-Awareness: We both know we’re messed up and we’re okay with that. Everyone is, even if we like to pretend we’re okay a lot of the time. I’ve never felt like I have to hide because we both understand our messedupness (I made that word up if you can believe that).
So under certain circumstance I think it’s possible to go deep with someone you don’t know very well. It won’t work with just anyone, but I no longer think there has to be an established relationship for this to happen.
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4 comments:
I'd add one more caveat - I decide pretty quickly to trust someone based on their credentials. For example I trust the pilot to get me to ATL safely, I trust the pharmacist to give me what my prescription says, etc....he he he
I like your blemishes Ricky Bobby!
I tend to think anymore that I am MORE likely to go deep with someone new than I am with anyone old. Whether it be because I have been burned too many times by people whose heads are you know where, or if it is a "oh, thats too much, I can't get deal with that" kind of thing. Regardless though, I think most Christians have either lost what the idea of true friendship is or they never had it to begin with.
-Scott
I do believe I poured my heart out and told you my deepest hopes, discouragements, fears, and struggles etc the first time i met you...I guess I trusted you! hehe
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