I am sitting in a coffee shop this morning, and as I see people interact over their burnt bean beverage I wonder, how did we learn to be so fake? People make small talk and all of it strikes me as a show. Does anyone really think hearing about our next snowfall deserves a chuckle, or that two sentences will convey much of anything about how a person's family is doing? We ask questions and don't want to know the answer. We give answers that we've given six million times before, and we do it without thinking. The kids are always good. Our life is always busy. We're always looking forward to the weekend.
I suppose at this point we're enculturated this way. Being real isn't all that acceptable. But how did our culture get this way?
I highly doubt that deep down anyone enjoys being fake, but I don't think we think about what's deep down very often. It struck me again today that authenticity should be one of the things that will distinguish Christianity from our culture. To desire to know real answers. To ask real questions. To stop the dance of fakin' the funk. It's kind of awkward anyway.
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5 comments:
Speaking of burnt coffee, were you at Starbucks?
It's funny you mention this today. The last couple days I've been thinking about answering these types of questions in less generic ways and have been trying to. I'm doing it. That's my New Years resolution. I don't care if it annoys people or catches them off guard.
I went back through and deleted half of this comment so it wasn't so ridiculously long.. but it still is.
When someone sticks their neck out to be real, genuine, authentic and they get a proverbial decapitation, it makes one far less likely to be authentic with others. Perhaps this is all a survival mechanism.
I myself have felt decapitated when being authentic at work, with friends, at church and reclamation. Makes me want to be fake - being authentic is painful.
We so very often write people off when they are real with us. We recognize that people should be authentic, especially if they're poor or homeless or sick or something else that we can pity. But if they differ from our theology, or styles, or personality, among many other things, we get to write them off, argue them away, or just silently judge and/or condemn them in our minds.
I think that people do delve deep inside themselves, that people are consumed by what is "deep down" - everyone is just protecting themselves by being fake.
If we want people to be authentic, perhaps we have to stop assuming that people will be, and work stinkin' hard to earn the right to be considered worthy of authenticity by each individual, one by one.
Maybe this isn't about public displays of authenticity. Maybe it's about genuine relational intimacy.
I'd love to be part of the unstoppable force of those proving to our neighbors that we're not only genuine ourselves, but safe to be authentic with.
Jon--You are very right that for authenticity that leads to intimacy there is a trust that needs to be developed. And I would assume that being veiled or inauthentic is often a defense mechanism for those who have been decapitated. Bearing our soul to just anyone can easily lead to pain.
At the same time, I think we live in a culture that has learned to be fake even when the stakes are very low. Perhaps it starts as a defense mechanism, but often it becomes a way of life.
I also appreciate the comment about being people who it is safe for others to be real with. We should be careful to be that kind of people.
Everyone who looks at this should watch Good Morning by Yasujira Ozu. This is for multiple reasons. 1 - It will make you realize that this is not a problem unique to us at all. It's technology's fault...not really...kind of. 2 - You will then have seen one of the greatest films of all time by one of the greatest filmmakers of all time. Watch it. Right now. Stop reading this comment and go watch it.
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